I came across these delightful stories, as I love to troll through Tor.com’s short stories archive, under the title “I speak fluent Giraffe”. Of course I knew being a born and bred South African, that I must indeed speak Giraffe, which undoubtedly is easier than Spanish, even if I didn’t know it yet.
The illustrations that each story features are just amazing as are the stories themselves, and Irene Gallo, the art director for Tor, does a fantastic job commissioning the artists, many of whom I didn’t know before, and who have now become some of my favourites!
But I stray from the point. That being not so much illustration based this time, but more narrative – a short tale of a character many of us think we know well. So with no further ado, please enjoy a story by Jason Henninger, who does indeed speak fluent giraffe.
Gaul Deluxe Anti-Free Pairs
One ponce the clock comen to the bearhouse a girl all shimsy in the sparkle-locks. Slim of centerpiece, and not much ticking in the crain, she went a bit woodsy-where-am, not gnosting whence or thence, rift or light, soulther or narwhal. Sun shim nighty-mode, and the fordarkest. Creekle in the leavings, shadow jumpen and the frime darken and unwen.
Poor losty sparklehead.
But hopes! She umglovered a domestic with the lights, frontery open a-door.
Tippy-shoe, she cautions interior, noseing a porridge! Wonderbliss, she can hardly. In fact, triple! One bowl tastey steam, and too heat. Two bowl arctic. But porridge-tongue on bowl three is splendous. She throats it full in one.
Now gastroplenty, all drownsy for the cushiums. Primely chair too much chair. Nextum over pliffy and plaffy and can’t comfort. Butever the thirden chair goes round justin rights.
But sparklehead fums all fickle-pickle and bedding hunted. Tip-skip the stairways up.
Pambles she to a lay-down of excise and too big. “Oh, Hegel!” she skumphs and goes two the nexus. “Not enough and wronger!” quith she bouts choice. Bed three and guess it, so comformal and right.
Soon, gliss off to sneep.
“Somerothers tasty and sit around!” krunk a Grimzly bean, of fur and roughace whoms the homer own.
“Same at!” say wifeybear and a mystery.
“Trice!” speeps lil bearn. “and eatums away and sit!”
Foop the upways stair, stair, stair.
“Somesleeper in mine!” they claim, spectively.
“And still on!” say wee.
“Spit and polish!” peaches sparklehaed with binocu-fear of biggin-smallin-justright bear. “Get up with the gitout!” And speed she weigh, off stair door and tree to long, so there.
Check out the original and many more HERE where you can also see the original illustration for the story by Brian Elig, plus plus it’s totally worth it to lose an hour reading the short stories on Tor, rather than stalking on Facebook. Go on, you know you want to.